JOHN FOTHERINGHAM

As I approach my 45th birthday, I wanted to quickly jot down some of the life lessons, maxims, and guiding principles I’ve picked up so far. I could have waited until after my birthday to publish this, but I’m a sucker for palindromes (44 just feels so much better than boring old 45!). Plus, I wrote a version of this 11 years ago (33 Life Lessons Learned in 33 Laps Around the Sun), and wanted to keep up the tradition. Will be interesting to see what new lessons I pick up between now and 55…

1. Don’t settle for a partner or career that doesn’t light you up. There is no perfect job or person, but I do believe that there are ideal people and positions for everyone. When I met my now wife, it felt like two magnets snapping together. It still does ten years later. And I’ve felt the same way about my favorite jobs. As the character Roy Kent told Rebecca Welton in the Apple TV series Ted Lasso: “Don’t you dare settle for fine. You should feel like you’ve been struck by lightning.”
2. Realize that “mistakes” are often gifts. My wife and I took an epic trip to Europe last fall, including adventures in England, Scotland, Romania, and Slovakia.  There were multiple occasions that we took the wrong train, couldn’t find our bus, or made hundreds of other seeming “mistakes” in the moment. But nearly every single time this happened, we ended up enjoying little miracles and surprises we’d never have experienced had things “gone to plan.”
3. Seek a balance between order and chaos in your life. My wife and I LOVE travel. We greatly enjoy visiting new places, meeting new people, trying new foods, and learning new languages. But we also love being home where things are tidy, quiet, and cozy. The problem is having too much of either extreme (the exciting chaos of travel or the comforting order of home) quickly drains us. It’s both/and, not either/or.
4. Stay in one place long enough to grow roots. We moved four times in our first five years of marriage. Some of this was due to changing jobs, but most of it was simply itchy feet (see #3). We’ve now lived in the same city for six years, which is my longest stretch of living in one place since before I went to college! It has been wonderful to grow roots and finally integrate ourselves into a local community (something I couldn’t really do during my nomadic 20s and 30s).
5. Join a local sports team. I never understood the allure of ball sports when I was growing up. In my teens and twenties, I loved mountain biking and martial arts, but found basketball, football, and baseball wholly uninteresting. Then I discovered bicycle polo in my early 40s and was instantly hooked! It’s the most enjoyable cardio exercise I’ve ever found (basically sprinting for 2+ hours), and it comes with a built-in community since we usually hang out together after most games (the power of #4).
6. Hold informal reunions with friends from childhood or university. Last summer, a group of my college friends met up at a cabin on Mt. Hood for a weekend of laughter, catching up, reminiscing, and an epic game of Trivial Pursuit (1979s vs. 1980s). With jobs, distance, and an ever growing number of kids, it can be difficult to organize the gatherings. But somehow, we’ve managed to hold reunions at least once every 5 years or so. And it always fills our hearts to the brim.
7. Schedule boredom. Almost all the ideas in this post came to me while in the shower, sitting in the sauna, or going on walks or hikes. What do all of these have in common? ① I wasn’t listening to a podcast or audiobook. ② I didn’t have a device in my hand. If you’re not careful, your entire day can be filled with input and you’ll have no quiet time to think and connect ideas. It can be tempting to pop in headphones during walks and chores, but I try to get at least one full hour of zero outside input per day.
8. Be a crusader for kindness & conscientiousness. And speaking of headphones, if you are going to listen to something in a public place, please don’t use your phone speaker! Pop in some headphones and give the gift of silence to those around you. And here are two more tiny conscientious acts: ① Put your shopping cart away (propping it up on the curb does NOT count). ② Pick up litter on walks and hikes (large tongs/grabbers make it much easier and more sanitary).
9. Maintain epistemological humility. Realize that you don’t know as much as you think you do. And that the things you are most confident about, may be the very things you are most wrong about. This goes for scientists and experts, too. Despite mountains of contrary evidence, institutional momentum and economic incentives can make it extremely difficult to change course and admit misguided efforts. For more on this, read Pandora’s Lab: Seven Stories of Science Gone Wrong by Paul Offit.
10. Have the courage to change your mind. Remember back during the 2004 U.S. presidential election when W’s campaign labeled John Kerry as a “flip-flopper”? As if changing one’s positions on important issues were a bad thing? If new facts emerge that disprove your views, doubling down is a sign of hubris, not strength. As Albert Einstein said, “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” Strong opinions are fine, but hold them loosely and follow the facts wherever they lead.
11. Resist group think. Groups “bind and blind” us. This feels really good to our hunter-gatherer brains. And it allows us to cooperate and accomplish amazing feats. But it can also lead to blind allegiance to dangerous ideas. So whenever you find yourself vehemently agreeing with the beliefs of your social, professional, spiritual, or political groups, take a moment to question creeds and sacred cows. Do you really believe what’s been taught or modeled? Did you choose your beliefs or simply inherit them?
12. Be skeptical of consensus. Many “sure things” humans agreed upon in the past have been later proven dead wrong (or at least incomplete). So be brave and question orthodoxies. You may be ridiculed, but with time and persistence, the truth will come to light. Of course, this doesn’t mean that all heterodox views are correct. Many are indeed bogus! But we shouldn’t assume something is true just because it’s believed by a lot of people (even those in white lab coats — see #13).
13. Learn how to spot bad research. The scientific method is one of the greatest tools we humans have to solve problems and improve lives. But so much of what is touted as “science” is but the detritus of shoddy research, hidden business interests, and shady politics. So learn how to read studies, spot biases (e.g. funding bias), and separate relative and absolute risk. Read Bad Science: Quacks, Hacks, and Big Pharma Flacks by Ben Goldacre.
14. Choose nuance & curiosity over comfort & certainty. Tim Ferriss often asks his podcast guests what they would put on a billboard that would be seen by millions. My answer would be one word: Nuance. In the face of increasing political polarity, economic turmoil, and religious conflict, it’s more important than ever to seek nuanced positions on complex issues. The truth is rarely comfortable nor crystal clear. So the more certain you are, the more you need to question your beliefs. (See #9-13)
15. Share stories, not facts. Packaging information into a compelling narrative not only helps us understand the information, but also remember it. Research has shown that stories are far more memorable than mere statistics, which makes sense given human history (we’ve been passing on wisdom through oral stories for hundreds of thousands of years). Facts matter, but people are moved by stories, not data.
16. Balance accuracy with efficacy. One of the most unfortunate aspects of modern science, academia, and business is that those who know the most are often the worst at communicating their knowledge. They’re all facts, no narrative. On the other extreme are those who willingly distort and exaggerate data for the sake of clicks and eyeballs. We need to find a middle ground where important discoveries are shared through engaging narratives without sacrificing accuracy.
17. Tell the truth. To your partner. To your employees. To yourself. As Richard Feynman said, “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.” It is so easy to hide inconvenient truths from ourselves. And it’s so common to tell palatable white lies (“He is stepping down to spend more time with his family”). Whether by omission or commission, lying is lying. Choose honesty instead.
18. Don’t avoid difficult conversations. Most of us will do everything we can to avoid pain and avoid causing others pain. While this is a perfectly understandable reflex, it often leads to the very thing we’re trying to avoid: more pain. As I’ve learned many times in my career, marriage, and friendships, the best things come after the hardest conversations. If you’ve messed up, admit it. If you want something, ask for it. True friendships are anti-fragile; they will not only survive—but improve—from honesty.
19. Make things as elegant and beautiful as possible. Like good storytelling, tasteful design helps important information shine. While ideas and information (what’s inside the box) may be most important, don’t underestimate the importance of nice wrapping paper. Well-designed documents, books, websites, etc. are more likely to be read, understood, and shared with others. So good design isn’t just mere aesthetics; it’s marketing.
20. Beware of cults hiding in plain sight. Contrary to popular belief, cults are not always obvious. Many of the most insidious cult-like groups don’t shave their heads or wear weird hats. In reality, a cult is any group that maintains authoritarian control over its members through controlling behavior, information, thoughts, and emotions (i.e. Steven Hassan’s BITE Model©). To learn more, read Combating Cult Mind Control and listen to the A Little Bit Culty podcast.
21. Learn to spot logical fallacies and cognitive biases in yourself and others. Humans are prone to a lengthy list of logical fallacies and cognitive biases. Even the most educated and accomplished are not immune to these thinking errors. Be especially aware of “false dilemmas” (binary thinking), “appeals to authority” (assuming validity based on someone’s status), and “availability bias” (overestimating likelihood or importance based on ease and immediacy of recall).
22. Trust your intuition (but verify). A lot has been written about the fallibility of human intuition and how what can seem intuitively correct can be factually wrong.  But that doesn’t mean we should always rely on slow, systematic, rational thinking. Such “type 2” thinking certainly has its place, but so does our fast, gut-level “type 1” thinking. Neither is “good” or “bad,” and both have pros and cons. We evolved both for a reason. Learn more in Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.
23. Known thyself better with useful personality frameworks. I recently rewatched The Matrix with my wife, and was reminded of the sign in the Oracle’s kitchen that reads “Temet nosce” (“Know thyself”).  And one of the best ways I have found to better know myself is personality assessments like the Big Five, the Enneagram, Myers-Briggs, and The 4 Tendencies. Some of these aren’t very scientific, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t useful. As the say goes, “All models are wrong but some are useful.”
24. Mix your interests, skills, and talents across domains. I think that “stay in your lane” is one of the most harmful things you can tell someone. Maintain humility, yes (see #9), and don’t assume that just because you are an expert in one field that you will automatically be one in another. But don’t ever feel like you are stuck with any one academic or professional field. Some of the best ideas and innovations come from cross-pollinations between—and creative blending of—previously disparate domains.
25. Don’t be a gatekeeper. Likewise, don’t be a stingy gatekeeper of your own professional field or academic domain. Just because someone doesn’t have a degree in a given field doesn’t mean they can’t contribute novel insights. In fact, non-experts can sometimes be powerful allies in the search for truth since they are not encumbered with myopia and can look at a problem with sho-shin (初心, “beginner’s mind”).
26. Use the “great-grandmother test” to decide what to eat. I got certified as a “Nutritional Therapy Practitioner” (NTP) in 2015, and it was a fascinating journey into the intricacies of human nutrition. (I also met my wife in the class, so talk about good ROI!) Though we learned that humans can thrive on a diverse range of foods, highly-processed “frankenfoods” aren’t doing us any favors. If your great-grandmother wouldn’t recognize something as food, it’s probably not very good for you.
27. Realize that when you eat is just as important as what you eat. For years, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. The result? A high body fat percentage and insulin resistance. I’ve now reversed this by trend by pulling on our two biggest nutritional levers. I changed: ① what I eat, and ② when I eat. I focus on eating real food (see #26), and frequent fasting: 18:6 most days, with a 72-hour fast once a month, and a 5-day fast starting on every solstice and equinox.
28. Understand the difference between glycogen and body fat. Your body stores extra energy in two primary forms: ① glycogen (a storage form of carbohydrates found in the liver and skeletal muscles), and ② triglycerides (fatty acids + glycerol stored as body fat). You can think of glycogen as food in the fridge (easiest to reach), and body fat as food in the chest freezer (still accessible, but harder to reach). The key: you won’t burn much of ② until you’ve mostly depleted ① through fasting and exercise.
29. Quit (or strictly limit!) caffeine, sugar, and alcohol. These substance may all be common in our modern world, but that doesn’t mean they are benign. For more on the dangers of each, read Caffeine Blues: Wake Up to the Hidden Dangers of America’s #1 Drug by Stephen Cherniske, The Case Against Sugar by Gary Taubes, and Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol by Holly Whitaker (despite the name, I found it very useful for men, too).
30. Delete your social media accounts. Though social media has a few redeeming qualities, the juice is NOT worth the squeeze. It’s designed to be maximally addictive through “variable rewards,” likes, and infinite scrolling. It causes (or at least worsens) anxiety and depression. And it’s fueling political polarization. If you need more convincing, read Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier.
31. Appreciate the power of paper. Though I use digital notes for storage, I much prefer paper for capture. Handwritten notes tend to be more conducive to creative thought and ideation than a screens, and some research has shown that we remember information better when we write it by hand instead of type it on a keyboard. But once written, I do transfer ideas, lessons, and tasks to digital tools (currently, a combination of Apple Notes, Apple Reminders, and Notion).
32. Become a digital minimalist. Minimalism is a great way to pare down belongings and free up more physical and psychological space for what matters most. But most of the attention has been paid to physical belongings. Since most people spend a great deal of time on devices today, it’s worth doing what we can to simplify our digital worlds, too. To that end, I highly recommend Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport.
33. Reach B2 level in at least one foreign language. There is no denying the many advantages of learning a foreign language: more rewarding travel experiences, deeper connections with foreign friends, and even a better brain! But just learning a few words is not enough to reap these rewards. The real magic kicks in when you reach “conversational fluency,” an upper-intermediate level designated as “B2” in the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages (CEFR).
34. Bring foreign languages to you using “anywhere immersion.” Though going abroad can be a profoundly transformative experience (living in Japan, Bangladesh, and Taiwan changed my life in innumerable ways), it’s no longer a requirement for learning a language through immersion. Today, anyone with an internet connection and a little creativity can reach a high level of fluency anywhere in the world. See my site Anywhere Immersion for tips on exactly how to do this.
35. Treat debt as an emergency. Debt may be common, but that doesn’t mean it’s benign. Instead of reaping the rewards of compound interest through investing in low-cost index funds, you are allowing credit companies to earn compound interest off of you. As Mr. Money Mustache argues, debt is not “something you work on.” Instead, you should treat it as “a HUGE, FLAMING EMERGENCY!” A problem you should think of as “a swarm of killer bees covering every inch of your body!”
36. Build a $1,000 cash emergency fund. When my wife and I got married, I was $66K in debt (a mix of credit cards and loans). 😬 We managed to pay it all off in just 3 years by slashing our spending (“defense”), boosting our income (“offense”), and creating an emergency fund. This last piece was particularly important: without it, I would have fallen back into the bad habit of using credit for emergencies and unforeseen expenses. Which is largely what got me into debt in the first place!
37. You don’t need to have children or pets to be happy. My wife and I love kiddos, cats, and dogs, but have decided not to have any ourselves. Instead, we enjoy being aunt and uncle to our nieces and nephews, and providing free childcare, pet sitting, and support to our siblings and friends with kids and fur babies (something we wouldn’t have the time or money for if we had our own children or pets).
38. Choose a healthy balance between weight, comfort, and cost when biking or backpacking. I love the outdoors, and go mountain biking and camping every chance I get. I’ve used both high-end ultra-light equipment and heavier, budget-friendly options, and have concluded that ultralight gear is simply not worth the higher expense and loss of comfort and durability. But it is worth investing in solid mid-tier equipment. For example, I currently ride a Trek Roscoe 8, which I absolutely love.
39. Get to know your shadow. In Jungian psychology, the “shadow” refers to the unconscious or repressed aspects of your psyche. We all have buried and unacknowledged emotions and desires, and the more honest we can be about what we truly want and feel deep down (see #17), the happier and healthier we can become. For me, this has meant integrating more of my masculine side and learning that anger is not a “bad” emotion (though it does need to be channeled in a healthy way).
40. Maintain healthy polarity in your sexual relationships. In our pursuit of gender equality (good), we have unfortunately been moving toward sexual sameness (not so good). As David Deida puts it in The Way of the Superior Man, “Bank accounts are balancing while passions are fizzling out.” If you want to maintain the spark with your partner, sameness is not your friend. For tips on maintaining healthy polarity, read Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel.
41. Realize that attraction to other people is not betrayal. You and your significant other will inevitably be attracted to other people from time to time. This is perfectly natural and it doesn’t mean you aren’t a good match or that you are a bad person. But feeling attraction and acting on it are very different things. You can’t control how you feel but you can control how you act. And part of taking responsibility for your actions is telling the truth to your partner about past and current crushes (#17-18).
42. Manage your urges & instincts to be happy, healthy & wealthy in the modern world. Our genes are adapted to an extremely different environment from the one we now find ourselves. What once maximized our chances to feed and breed, now leads to misery, obesity, addiction, debt, and poverty. In a world of abundance (food, entertainment, and potential sexual partners), health, wealth, and happiness often requires doing the exact opposite of what your DNA urges you to do.
43. Happiness and fulfillment come from living in accordance with your values. There are thousands of ways to increase the quantity of happiness in your life (I’ve shared many above). But here is one guaranteed way to ensure sadness and depression: live contrary to your values. Abandon your principles. Do things that make you lose self-respect. Choose instant gratification over long-term meaning. Lie. Cheat. Steal. Hat tip to my friend Kris Broholm for this insight.
44. Balance the long-term and short-term. The most valuable things in life come from compound interest: wealth, health, and wisdom. And compounding takes time to accrue (often 10 years or more!). But patience is not the same thing as inaction; to reap later rewards you have to act today and every day. As James Clear puts it, “Long-term thinking is not slow acting. Act fast on things that compound. Never let a day pass without doing something that will benefit you in a decade.”

As I passed around the sun for the 33rd time this year, I thought it might be fun to write down some of the life lessons, maxims, and guiding principles I’ve picked up so far.

1) Follow Your Bliss

When I first watched  The Power of Myth at the age of 12 (what can I say, I have a cool mom), most of Joseph Campbell’s wisdom flew right over my little noggin. But even though most of the concepts were beyond my reach, I greatly enjoyed the cognitive gymnastics, and have re-watched it again many times since, learning something new each and every time. In the TV series and companion book, Campbell drops myriad truth bombs about life, death, truth, religion, and purpose, but the most transformative, lasting element has been his advice to “follow your bliss”.

“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”

Whatever it is you truly want to do in life, start today. Set aside some time everyday to do the things that really matter to you. If you don’t have time, create it through prioritizing what really matters (see Most Things Make No Difference; Focus Only on What Does). Don’t wait for the right time; it’ll never come.

“For all of the most important things, the timing always sucks. Waiting for a good time to quit your job? The stars will never align and the traffic lights of life will never all be green at the same time. The universe doesn’t conspire against you, but it doesn’t go out of its way to line up all the pins either. Conditions are never perfect. “Someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. Pro and con lists are just as bad. If it’s important to you and you want to do it ‘eventually,’ just do it and correct course along the way.” —Tim Ferriss, The 4-Hour Workweek

2) True Happiness Only Exists in the Present Moment

Following one’s bliss sounds great on paper, but very few of us ever experience true bliss for more than a few fleeting moments before our minds rush in to spoil the spiritual party. But therein lies a hint to why it’s so hard to capture bliss, fulfillment, happiness, peace, transcendence, enlightenment, or whatever you want to call it: this state of consciousness can only be experienced, not thought. And equally important, this state can only be experienced right now, not at some point in the future.

Rick Moranis’ Dark Helmet character sums this up nicely in Space Balls:

Dark Helmet: “What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?”

Colonel Sandurz: “Now. You’re looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.”

Dark Helmet: “What happened to then?”

Colonel Sandurz: “We passed then.”

Dark Helmet: “When?”

Colonel Sandurz: “Just now. We’re at now now.”

Dark Helmet: “Go back to then.”

Colonel Sandurz: “When?”

Dark Helmet: “Now.”

Colonel Sandurz: “Now?”

Dark Helmet: “Now.”

Colonel Sandurz: “I can’t.”

Dark Helmet: “Why?”

Colonel Sandurz: “We missed it.”

Dark Helmet: “When?”

Colonel Sandurz: “Just now.”

Dark Helmet: “When will then be now?”

Colonel Sandurz: “Soon.”

3) You Are Not Your Mind

The problem is that experiencing the “now”—and through it, true happiness—is impossible when you are under the control of the ego, and almost all of us are, almost all of the time.  The word ego here refers not to “confidence” or “thinking you are better than others” but what Eckhart Tolle defines in The Power of Now as “a mental image of who you are, based on your personal and cultural conditioning” or “a false self, created by unconscious identification with the mind”. He goes on to describe the workings of this tricky little SOB:

“To the ego, the present moment hardly exists. Only past and future are considered important. The total reversal of the truth accounts for the fact that in the ego mode the mind is so dysfunctional. It is always concerned with keeping the past alive, because without it — who are you? It constantly projects itself into the future to ensure its continued survival and to seek some kind of release or fulfillment there. It says: ‘One day, when this, that, or the other happens, I am going to be okay, happy, at peace.’ Even when the ego seems to be concerned with the present, it is not the present that it sees: It misperceives it completely because it looks at it through the eyes of the past. Or it reduces the present to a means to an end, an end that always lies in the mind-projected future. Observe your mind and you’ll see that this is how it works. The present moment holds the key to liberation. But you cannot find the present moment as long as you are your mind.”

Nick Nolte’s Socrates character explains this well in The Peaceful Warrior:

Dan: Can we make this quick?

Socrates: Sure. [He throws Dan off the bridge they’re standing on]

Dan: Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?

Socrates:  You said you were in a hurry.

Dan: So you pushed me of the bridge?

Socrates: I emptied your mind.

Dan: You what?

Socrates:  I emptied your mind… And while you were falling, tell me Dan, what were you thinking of?

Dan: I don’t know!

Socrates: Were you thinking about school?

Dan: No.

Socrates: Grocery shopping?

Dan: No.

Socrates: This thing you had to hurry off to?

Dan: No.

Socrates:  The present. Devoted 100% to the experience you were having.

Dan: You’re out of your mind. You know that?

Socrates: It’s taken a lifetime of practice. We want you out of your mind, too, Dan.

Dan: I didn’t see it coming.

Socrates: You weren’t paying attention. Even now you’re not. Your mind’s filling up again. You’re missing out on everything that’s going on. [Socrates grabs Dan and shows him some of the wonderful things currently happening around them that he had missed.] There’s never nothing going on. Take out the trash, Dan. The trash is anything that is keeping you from the only thing that matters: this moment. Here. Now. And when you truly are in the here and now, you’ll be amazed what you can do and how well you can do it.

4) Wherever You Go, There You Are

In addition to foolishly seeking happiness in a future it can never experience, the ego also searches for it in an elusive there it can never find. It doesn’t understand that happiness can be experienced anywhere, anytime, no matter where you are, what you’re doing, or who you’re with. When one is controlled by the go, you can cover the entire globe and never find the fountain of bliss. Bliss requires a change of consciousness, not zip code.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t travel. You absolutely should. But do so for the joy of traveling itself, not a foolish attempt to run away from one’s ego-driven problems. Trust me, I’ve tried. Once the excitement and jet lag wear off, your demons will be right there where you left them: inside you.

And I am not saying that environment doesn’t matter. While you certainly can find and practice joy in rush hour traffic, it’s a lot easier on a remote mountaintop in Taiwan. Stack life’s deck in your favor by carefully choosing where you spend your time and who you spend it with, but at any given moment, know that you can experience bliss right here, right now.

“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance. The wise grows it under his feet.” —James Oppenheim

5) Don’t Confuse Your Options With Your Choices

Whenever we find ourselves stuck in a rut, feeling bad about life and our place in it, the first human instinct is to blame our woes on other people and external conditions. We feel imprisoned, believing we can’t be elsewhere or do otherwise. In reality, there are almost always myriad choices about what to do in any given moment if we are in the proper frame of mind to see them, with many paths out of our personally created—or at least maintained—hell. But even when choices truly are slim and the external reality truly grim, we always have a choice about how we respond. We always have a choice about what state of consciousness we bring into this world.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” —Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

“Whatever you cannot enjoy doing, you can at least accept that this is what you have to do.  Acceptance means: For now, this is what this situation, this moment, requires me to do, and so I do it willingly… If you can neither enjoy nor bring acceptance to what you do—stop. Otherwise, you are not taking responsibility for the only thing you can really take responsibility for, which also happens to be the one thing that really matters: your state of consciousness. And if you are not taking responsibility for your state of consciousness, you are not taking responsibility for life.” —Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

6) No Amount of Having or Doing Can Create a Lasting Sense of Being

Stuff, stuff, stuff. Tasks, tasks, tasks. They fills our minds. They fill our days. They fill most people’s entire lives. But having more stuff and doing more things will never make you truly happy. Buying that shiny new _____ (fill in whatever you’ve been lusting after) might make you feel good today, but any happiness it provides will be fleeting. And though doing certainly trumps having, it too can only provide temporary happiness. You can’t buy or act your way out of unhappiness. True happiness is a state of being, not a consequence of owning more stuff or doing more tasks.

Now there’s nothing wrong with having nice things or good tools, planning out your day, or carefully managing a project. But it’s imperative to remember that no amount of having or doing will ever provide a sense of being. Not that this stops brands from trying to convince us otherwise, or stops our ego from believing them.

“The ego identifies with having, but its satisfaction in having is a relatively shallow and short-lived one. Concealed within it remains a deep-seated sense of dissatisfaction, of incompleteness, of ‘not enough’. ‘I don’t have enough yet,’ by which the ego really means, ‘I am not enough yet.'” —Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

7) Mindful, Love-Filled Action Changes the World, Not Prayer

“There’s no difference between a pessimist who says, ‘Oh, it’s hopeless, so don’t bother doing anything,’ and an optimist who says, ‘Don’t bother doing anything, it’s going to turn out fine anyway.’ Either way, nothing happens.” —Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia

Although I am usually a cheerful, optimistic person, I am not a big fan of the “just think positively” form of optimism. It strikes me as highly selfish that some people genuinely believe they can affect the outcome of events just by “praying hard enough” or “sending out positive feelings into the universe”. If prayer or meditation makes you feel better, great. Do it. They are both powerful tools for calming the mind, lowering stress, and increasing focus. But be aware that it’s the mindful, love-filled action and interaction that happens after you pray or meditate that really changes the world, not the warm fuzzy feelings themselves.

One major caveat: In the face of death, whether coping with loss of a loved one or preparing for one’s own exit from the material plane, I completely understand the need for prayer and will surely do so myself when the time comes. But again, I really don’t believe that the prayers themselves will change anything other than my state of mind.

8) Ignorance & Arrogance is the Most Dangerous Combination

“A truly blind person is not one who cannot see but one who chooses not to.” —Unknown

Despite unprecedented access to information, I am constantly disappointed by how many people demonstrate a combination of ignorance and arrogance.

I used to think that Americans had a patent on this blend of blind, passionate belief, but after traveling and living abroad, I now know that this dangerous cocktail can be found the world over. No matter the country, it’s easy to find ignorant, insular, prejudiced, archaic points of view, and people who believe everything they read in their newspapers or religious texts, and everything they hear on television or at church. This is not to say that the daily newspaper or nightly news doesn’t contain facts. It certainly does, but “fact” is not the same as “truth”.

“Archaeology is the search for fact…not truth. If it’s truth you’re looking for, Dr. Tyree’s philosophy class is right down the hall.” —Indiana Jones, The Last Crusade

I’m not saying that religious texts don’t contain truth. They do. But religions can only point to the truth like signposts; they must not be taken to be the truth themselves.

“It’s like a finger pointing at the moon. Do not concentrate on the finger or you will miss all of the heavenly glory!” —Bruce Lee, Enter the Dragon

Whether speaking of matters of fact or faith, those with the least information tend to argue most vehemently for their limited points of view, while those with the most often get lost in their knowledge and never act upon it. In our pursuit of scientific and spiritual truth, we must always question, confirm, and verify what we can, but then use what we’ve learned to better the world. Blind belief is no worse than apathetic inaction.

“The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world, the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.” —Bertrand Russell

9) Myths are Powerful Devices, But Devices Nonetheless

Though I am not a member of any particular organized religion, I do find value in many of their core teachings, especially when they are stripped of their dogmatic overtones and interpreted within their historical, pragmatic contexts. Regardless of one’s spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof), we can learn a lot of sage life lessons from the earth’s various religious texts and practices. Each of them represents a given culture’s attempt to explain our world and our proper place in it, evolving within particular historical, geographical, and socioeconomic contexts that shaped their teachings.

“Every religion is true one way or another. It is true when understood metaphorically. But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors, interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.” —Joseph Campbell

“A number of blind men came to an elephant. Somebody told them that it was an elephant. The blind men asked, ‘What is the elephant like?’ and they began to touch its body. One of them said: ‘It is like a pillar.’ This blind man had only touched its leg. Another man said, ‘The elephant is like a husking basket.’ This person had only touched its ears. Similarly, he who touched its trunk or its belly talked of it differently. In the same way, he who has seen the Lord in a particular way limits the Lord to that alone and thinks that He is nothing else.” —Ramakrishna Paramahamsa

10) Religion and Science Can Both Be Twisted to Serve Any Purpose

“Mark you this, Bassanio,

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

An evil soul producing holy witness

Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,

A goodly apple rotten at the heart:

O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!”

The Crusades. Witch hunts. Slavery. Human history is full of horrific practices justified by the prevailing religious texts of the time. It’s easy to look back now and say that these are but cases of ignorant bigots “citing scripture for their purpose”, but what about today? The same exact thing is still happening! Fundamentalist Christians are fighting to block gay marriage because “it’s in the Bible”. Before you use religious dogma to justify your homophobia, why not actually ask yourself that question on your WWJD wrist band. Do you really think Christ, the paragon of love and acceptance, would be against two loving, committed individuals joining in holy matrimony?

But just like religion, science too can be manipulated for nefarious ends. Those with the means can fund studies to show that their products are safe, get politicians and agencies to look the other way or pass legislation in their favor, and pay for ad campaigns to sway public opinion.

The distortion of science for the sake of profit can be found in all industries, but it is especially rampant in the world of health and nutrition. So whenever you hear “studies show…”, beware of the funding bias and consider who paid for the studies before deciding, for example, whether a particular drug is safe or whether GMOs are fit for consumption.

11) Consensus ≠ Truth

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” —Mark Twain

The more I read, learn, experience, and experiment, the more I realize that most people are wrong about most things. I am not saying that people are stupid. On the contrary, I believe most human beings are capable of amazing feats of intellect and creative problem solving if they have the guts to question what they’re told and stand alone when necessary. The problem is not a lack of brains but balls.

You don’t have to look that far back into history to find numerous commonly held beliefs that we (or at least most of us) now know to be nonsensical, ignorant, bigoted, or verifiably untrue. But hindsight’s 20/20. Imagine that you lived in 1491:

• Would you have sailed across the Atlantic even if all your friends told you that you’ll fall off the edge of the earth?
• Would you have decried slavery, segregation, racism, and white ethnocentrism even if it meant being ostracized by everyone you know and love?
• Would you have fought against the tyranny of religious dogma even if it meant imprisonment or death?

On the flip side, many ancient truths have been replaced by modern myths. A brief reflection upon the American political, financial, educational, and health systems, for example, quickly reveals myriad fallacies, mistruths, and blatant lies that serve corporate profits and political power at the expense of our well being. Perhaps the most dangerous of these are the many falsehoods about nutrition. Consider this: we keep getting fatter and sicker despite most of us following the very advice that is supposed to keep us healthy (i.e. eat less animal fat and eat more “healthy” whole grains). Why? Well, contrary to what mainstream medicine and media keep telling us, it turns out that:

• Fat doesn’t make you fat; sugar does!
• Cholesterol doesn’t cause heart disease; inflammation and oxidative stress do!
• Grains are terrible for you!

So with so much misinformation thrown at us every day from the supposed experts, how can we ever know the truth?  Simple: use your own rational assessment of the facts and observed phenomena, test things out yourself (using appropriate metrics to track success or failure), and never allow yourself to succumb to intellectual peer pressure, group think, or fear-based decision making.

12) Walk The Line Between Perseverance & Acceptance

Be present. Accept the moment as it is. Yah, great advice in theory, but doesn’t this lead to apathy and laziness? Absolutely not. That is just another psychological weapon wielded by your ego to keep it’s hold on you and prevent you from being truly alive in the moment. Being present does not mean you can’t make plans, work toward goals, or stick to a higher purpose. The key is to put your present reality and future dreams in accord with one another, with neither sacrificed for the other. It’s no easy task, and one that I struggle with every single day, but when  I look back on the times I was most happy, most fulfilled, most productive, it was when I had attained balance between accepting where I was at the moment while at the same time (almost paradoxically) aiming toward a goal I had yet to achieve.

13) Have Low Expectations

“The reason that everything was better back when everything was worse is that when everything was worse, it was actually possible for people to have experiences that were a pleasant surprise. Nowadays, the world we live in—we affluent, industrialized citizens, with perfection the expectation—the best you can ever hope for is that stuff is as good as you expect it to be. You will never be pleasantly surprised because your expectations, my expectations, have gone through the roof. The secret to happiness—this is what you all came for—the secret to happiness is low expectations.” —Barry Schwartz

Before you mislabel me a pessimist, check out this awesome TED Talk by psychologist Barry Schwartz in which he posits why having high expectations (enabled by today’s unprecedented range of choices) has actually made us less happy.

Or as Louis C.K. puts it so well:

“Everything is amazing right now and nobody’s happy.”

“It seems like the better it gets, the more miserable people become. There’s never a technological advancement where people think, ‘Wow, we can finally do this!’ And I think a lot of it has to do with advertising. Americans have it constantly drilled into our heads, every fucking day, that we deserve everything to be perfect all the time.”

14) Most Things Make No Difference; Focus Only on What Does

“Most things make no difference. Being busy is a form of laziness—lazy thinking and indiscriminate action.” —Tim Ferriss, The 4-Hour Workweek

Like everyone else, I find myself feeling spread too thin at times, sacrificing things I want to do for things I feel I must do. But almost without exception, the tasks and projects that felt extremely urgent at the time (and led to sacrifices in sleep, nutrition, exercise, and time with family and friends) proved to be unimportant, and often meaningless, a short time later.

While I still fall into the “urgency” trap now and again, before I stay up all night or skip a workout because something “has to be done today or the world will end”, I test the task or project at hand against the following criteria:

• Is it inline with my core values and goals?
• Is the sacrifice of time, energy, or money worth it?
• Will I still think this is important in 5 years?

15) There is Enough Time to Do What Really Matters

“It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.” —Bruce Lee

Though I am fully aware it is a silly first world problem, one of the most common stressors in my life centers around the realization that I don’t/won’t have enough to acquire every last language, visit every last town on earth, try every last exotic dish, learn every last skill, read every last book, follow every last blog, listen to every last podcast, or watch every last documentary, movie, or TV series. Luckily, this anxiety can be quickly quelled by being fully present in the moment and being grateful for whatever I do happen to see, hear, smell, taste, touch, or experience. While you never know when you’ll exit this world, on any given day, at any given moment, there is enough time to do what matters: following one’s bliss and being truly alive. And while learning and experiencing new things is one avenue for me to my bliss, I try to remember that I needn’t read every book to feel this. Just a book.

16) There’s No Replacement for Motivation & Discipline

“Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There’s plenty of movement, but you never know if it’s going to be forward, backwards, or sideways.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Just as the best book is worthless if it sits on the shelf, the best productivity tools matter not if you’re not motivated to use them. The key is motivation, and when it inevitably waivers, discipline to do the things you know you should even when you don’t feel like it. Truth be told, this is one of my greatest individual weaknesses and one that I continually strive to overcome. While I may appear to some to be a highly motivated, disciplined person, they cannot see the gap between what I aim to do every day and what I actually accomplish. And they aren’t aware of all the times I choose lesser tasks that I feel like doing over greater tasks that really matter.

I try to remember this lesson every time I find myself on Amazon.com or at Barnes & Noble searching for a new how-to book, thinking that a new resource will somehow make up for a lack of motivation. While the right tools certainly can increase efficiency and efficacy, they can never create motivation where it doesn’t exist, or instill discipline where it lacks.

17) Follow Daily Routines, Rituals & Habits

“The word [routines] connotes ordinariness and even a lack of thought; to follow a routine is to be on autopilot. But one’s daily routine is also a choice, or a whole series of choices. In the right hands, it can be a finely calibrated mechanism for taking advantage of a range of limited resource: time (the most limited resource of all) as well as willpower, self-discipline, optimism. A solid routine fosters a well-worn groove for one’s mental energies and helps stave off the tyranny of moods.” —Mason Currey, Daily Rituals: How Artists Work

“The best performers set goals that are not about the outcome but about the process of reaching the outcome.” —Geoff Colvin, Talent Is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else

Even more powerful than motivation and discipline (because both are finite resources) is the less fallible power of daily routines and rituals. The beautiful power of routine is a rather recent discovery for me as I’ve committed to writing as a profession instead of a mere hobby. Since I work on my own from home (all the while acting as a full-time “manny” for my 4-year-old nephew), I no longer have the confines or benefits of a traditional work place and all the routines that go with it. I must create them myself, and inspired by Mason Currey’s Daily Rituals: How Artists Work, I have done just that. Contrary to stifling my creativity, following my self-imposed routine has actually boosted my creative output and freed my heart and mind from the paradox of choice.

18) Perfection is the Enemy of Productivity & True Happiness

“Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything.” —Gustave Flaubert

I am a recovering perfectionist. Unfortunately, they don’t have 12-step programs for kicking perfectionism, but there probably should be. If I am honest with myself, the foolish pursuit of “perfection” (which is usually unattainable, and almost always undefinable) has held me back from a more prolific career and a more enriching life. Though the drive to get things done is starting to win out more and more, I still catch myself putting off projects until “the time is right”. The perfect time of course never comes and many of my ideas have remained just that: ideas.

In the language learning realm, I often miss opportunities to harness “hidden moments” as Barry Farber calls them (e.g. going through a few flashcards while waiting in line at the store), putting off my studies instead until I am back home with my ideal tools or materials on hand. And perhaps worst of all, I sometimes catch the “Grass is greener” brand of perfectionism in which I try to pursue more perfect experiences or environments, all the while missing out on all that ever will be: the present moment.

19) Take it “Bird by Bird” and “Brick by Brick”

It is all too easy to get intimidated (and depressed!) by the myriad steps required in big undertakings like learning a language or transforming one’s body. The key is to focus not on the distance between here and your final goal, but on just one—and only one—step at a time.

“Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report written on birds that he’d had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books about birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said, ‘Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.'” —Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

“You don’t set out to build a wall. You don’t say ‘I’m going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that’s ever been built.’ You don’t start there. You say, ‘I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid. You do that every single day. And soon you have a wall.” —Will Smith, The Charlie Rose Show (skip to 3:23)

20) Learning How to Learn is Life’s Most Important Skill

This advice belongs to Tony Buzan, author of over a dozen books on mastering your memory and employing more effective learning strategies. Sadly, I didn’t discover his works until long after college where they would have saved me a great deal of frustration and study time. Oh well, better late than never. Here are a few of his key techniques that can help you in just about any endeavor, including language learning:

• Spaced repetition
• Mnemonics
• Mind mapping

21) Studying ≠ Learning

“Data is not information, information is not knowledge, knowledge is not understanding, understanding is not wisdom.” —Clifford Stoll

Studying something does not necessarily equate with “learning” it. Just because you finish a book doesn’t mean you’ve actually internalized its lessons and can apply them in your life.

To be clear, I LOVE reading and believe that books are one of the most important human inventions of all time, but we have to remember that the real “learning” happens out in the world, not on the page or in a classroom. We all know people who are book smart, yet street foolish. Knowledge alone is nothing until transformed to wisdom through life experience and personal experimentation.

This is especially true for the domain of foreign languages where learners often mistake “studying a language” for “acquiring a language”. The two are very different things. You can spend your whole life studying Japanese, for example, and acquire very little. This is because languages are not a set of facts to be memorized, but a complex skill that arises through physical, cognitive, and psychosocial practice, not academic study. My favorite analogy is that trying to learn a language through formal study alone is like trying to learn how to drive by reading the car’s owner manual.

“Language is not a cultural artifact that we learn the way we learn to tell time or how the federal government works. Language is a complex, specialized skill, which develops in the child spontaneously, without conscious effort or formal instruction, deployed without awareness of its underlying logic…” —Stephen Pinker, author of The Language Instinct

22) Wisdom = Knowledge + Experience

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain

We have—or at least think we have—all the answers when we’re young. ((I realize that to some of you, I am probably quite young…)) This is especially true for the highly educated, but lightly lived. The belief system of an early twenty something is nice and neat because they have yet to encounter outliers that disprove their theories, endure soul-crushing loss, or live through high-stakes professional or romantic failure. But as we experience more of life’s ups and downs (which seem to hit for most of us in our late twenties to early thirties), our datasets gets larger, and we have the potential to draw a more accurate “best fit line” through what we’ve learned and experienced.

This is not to say that the accumulation of years and knowledge automatically lead to wisdom. We all know older folks who ignore life’s lessons and fall back upon comfortable—but untrue—beliefs about the world, or who become more and more bitter, insular, and risk-averse with each each passing year.

23) Measure What Matters

“What gets measured gets managed.” —Peter Drucker

Whether trying to learn a new language or transform your body, it is imperative that you set realistic goals and track your progress on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis. This can take the form of an accountability blog, posts on social media, using an app like Lift, or just periodically checking in with a friend trying to accomplish the same goals.

But what you measure is important. Smartphones and quantified-self apps make it easier than ever to track just about anything you want, but this also makes it all too easy to capture too much data, leading to paralysis by analysis and stalled progress.

Pick just a few key indicators to track and ignore the rest:

• For language learning, I suggest tracking how many minutes you spend listening, speaking, reading, and writing each day.
• For fat loss, measure your belly circumference at the navel once a week (at the same time, on the same day) and snap a photo of yourself once a month.
• For overall health, performance, and happiness, track how many steps you take a day using an app like Moves (shoot for at least 10,000 a day) and track both the quantity and quality of your sleep using an app like Sleep Cycle.

24) Respecting a Culture ≠ Liking or Agreeing With Every Part of It

“In history, truth should be held sacred, at whatever cost…especially against the narrow and futile patriotism, which, instead of pressing forward in pursuit of truth, takes pride in walking backwards to cover the slightest nakedness of our forefathers.” —Col. Thomas Aspinwall

“You’re not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can’t face reality. Wrong is wrong no matter who does it or who says it.” —Malcom X

I am a serious Japanophile. But my love of Japanese culture, history, martial arts, food, anime, manga, literature, architecture, gardens, and music do not blind me to the country’s many modern problems and past atrocities. Appreciating and respecting a culture does not mean liking or supporting every part of it. The same exact thing is true for my home country, the United States. I love the creativity, ingenuity, and strong individuality found in American culture, and am proud of our many contributions to the arts and sciences. But this pride doesn’t mean I must ignore:

• How physically and financially unhealthy the American lifestyle has become
• How much environmental devastation is caused by this lifestyle
• How quickly so many Americans rushed to “give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety” ((Benjamin Franklin)) in the wake of 9/11
• How easily so many Americans bought the lie that we were invading resource-rich nations to “fight terrorism” and “spread democracy”
• How our media has become part of the military-industrial complex

No, I can’t ignore these, nor should any true patriot.

25) Foreign Languages Open Doors & Create Opportunities

“One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.” —Frank Smith

Speaking Japanese and Mandarin (even with plenty of mistakes and heaps of as-of-yet unknown words and structures) has opened so many doors in my life that would have otherwise remained shut. Or perhaps more accurately, the ability to understand and use these foreign tongues has made doors visible that I wouldn’t even have seen otherwise. I have been under-qualified or even unqualified for many of the jobs I have landed, but got my foot in the door (and ultimately, got the job) because of my language and cultural skills. And once on the job, the ability to more easily communicate with—and translate between—different languages, cultures, and ways of doing things has been tremendously helpful even in work that has no overt connection to foreign languages.

26) Nonstandard Language is Not the Same as Substandard

“A language is a dialect with an army and navy.” —Max Weinreich

As I’ve traveled the world—and even different pockets of my home country—I have witnessed countless cases of people being treated better or worse based on their native tongue or regional dialect.

Some of us are lucky. I won the linguistic lottery simply by being born to parents who speak the current language of world commerce (English) and growing up in a region that uses the same dialect of English used on the nightly news. I never had to learn to speak a special way for job interviews. Not so for friends of mine who grew up speaking African American Vernacular English (AAVE), for example. They have had to learn to speak a different way if they want to gain employment and be perceived as educated professionals. But why must this be so? Contrary to what many crotchety grammar mavens claim, AAVE is not “improper” English; it is a full-fledged language system with a consistent structure, a rich vocabulary, and even the ability to express grammatical subtleties lacking in Standard American English (SAE).

To me, making judgements about someone’s character, intelligence, or trustworthiness based on the specific vibrations of their vocal chords is just as bad as judgements based on their skin pigment.

27) Every Act of Communication is an Act of Translation

This profound observation is from If This Be Treason by Gregory Rabassa, which I first heard about in Chris Bliss’ wonderful TEDxRanier talk, Comedy is Translation. In the talk, Chris makes a poignant connection between comedy and translation, showing that the best comedy and satire “translate deep truths for a mass audience”. He goes on to say:

“Comedy travels along a distinct wavelength from other forms of language. If I had to place it on an arbitrary spectrum, I’d say it falls somewhere between poetry and lies. And I’m not talking about all comedy here, because, clearly, there’s plenty of humor that colors safely within the lines of what we already think and feel. What I want to talk about is the unique ability that the best comedy and satire has at circumventing our ingrained perspectives—comedy as the philosopher’s stone. It takes the base metal of our conventional wisdom and transforms it through ridicule into a different way of seeing and ultimately being in the world. Because that’s what I take from the theme of this conference: Gained in Translation. That it’s about communication that doesn’t just produce greater understanding within the individual, but leads to real change. Which in my experience means communication that manages to speak to and expand our concept of self-interest. Now I’m big on speaking to people’s self-interest because we’re all wired for that. It’s part of our survival package, and that’s why it’s become so important for us, and that’s why we’re always listening at that level. And also because that’s where, in terms of our own self-interest, we finally begin to grasp our ability to respond, our responsibility to the rest of the world.”

His point really hits home when he discusses the effectiveness of Jon Stewart’s political satire on the Daily Show:

“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is by far the most well-documented example of the effectiveness of this kind of comedy. Survey after survey, from Pew Research to the Annenberg Center for Public Policy, has found that Daily Show viewers are better informed about current events than the viewers of all major network and cable news shows. Now whether this says more about the conflict between integrity and profitability of corporate journalism than it does about the attentiveness of Stewart’s viewers, the larger point remains that Stewart’s material is always grounded in a commitment to the facts—not because his intent is to inform. It’s not. His intent is to be funny. It just so happens that Stewart’s brand of funny doesn’t work unless the facts are true. And the result is great comedy that’s also an information delivery system that scores markedly higher in both credibility and retention than the professional news media. Now this is doubly ironic when you consider that what gives comedy its edge at reaching around people’s walls is the way that it uses deliberate misdirection.”

28) Proper Nutrition & Exercise Are Force Multipliers for Everything You Do

“Typically, people who exercise, start eating better and becoming more productive at work. They smoke less and show more patience with colleagues and family. They use their credit cards less frequently and say they feel less stressed. Exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread change.” —Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit

Everyone knows that eating right and getting enough exercise are important for vitality and longevity, but what we eat and how much we move our bodies also affects our ability to code and recall memories, increases or decreases our confidence levels (a highly under-appreciated component of language learning), and fosters or extinguishes motivation to do the things we know we should but don’t always feel like. I know from personal experience that when I succumb to bouts of gluttony or sloth:

• I am far less motivated to study or work on projects.
• Less of the material sticks if I do muster the motivation to crack a book.
• I get serious writer’s block and hate whatever I do manage to vomit on the page.
• I feel awkward in social situations and am less likely to make meaningful connections.

On the flip side, when I move my body (heavy weights, Wing Chun, and long walks) and eat the right things (pasture-raised meats, wild caught fish, and in-season organic fruits and vegetables):

• I am excited to spend time with foreign languages and work on projects.
• I understand and remember new words, structures, and concepts with far greater ease.
• My fingers have a hard time keeping up with the flood of ideas coming forth while writing blog posts or books, and I am usually happy with what ends up on the page.
• I feel confident in social situations, talk up perfect strangers, and find myself surrounded by serendipity wherever I go.

This is not just a matter of psychology. Eating crap and sitting on the couch significantly affect your endocrine system, screwing up the proper balance of key hormones like testosterone, estrogen, growth hormone, insulin, leptin, ghrelin, and cortisol. These hormones control myriad physical and cognitive functions, affecting everything from confidence to the size of your waistline.

29) Money Can’t Buy Happiness, But…

“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can help make the down payment.” —Jack Saad

Jack Saad is one of my all-time favorite teachers. While much of his teaching fell on deaf teenage ears, miraculously, he sometimes got even the dimmest high school students to ponder the subtitles of historical events and modern social issues. One of the most important lessons he taught us is the power of money. Like all tools, he said:

• It can be used for good or evil (all too often for the latter as history shows)
• There are other tools that can be used in its place (time, influence, relationships, etc.)
• It can be used deftly for greater effect (e.g. investing in the right things at the right time, buying high quality products that last a long time, etc.) or sloppily for minimal effect (e.g. foolish investments, buying expensive junk you don’t need, or being penny wise, pound poor).

These lessons have come in handy as I’ve jumped around the wealth spectrum. When money has been more plentiful, I realized that I can save a lot of time and energy through buying the right tools and paying others to do things I’m not good at or don’t enjoy. But I realized, too, that most of the real challenges in my life could not be spent away. No number of zeros in my bank account could buy me a “satisfied mind” as the late great Johnny Cash sang:

How many times
Have You heard someone say
If I had his money
I could do things my way

But little they know
That it’s so hard to find
One rich man in ten
With a satisfied mind

Once I was winning
In fortune and fame
Everything that I dreamed for
To get a start in life’s game

Then suddenly it happened
I lost every dime
But I’m richer by far
With a satisfied mind

Money can’t buy back
Your youth when you’re old
Or a friend when you’re lonely
Or a love that’s grown cold

And speaking of “losing every dime”, it’s not nearly as scary as most people believe. I’ve been completely (and I mean COMPLETELY) penniless a few times now, and to be honest, it wasn’t that bad. I no longer fear scarcity. On the contrary, being broke has taught me to appreciate what truly matters in life, and make better financial decisions when I do have the dinero.

30) It’s Not Worth Sacrificing Your Health or Happiness for Pay

“Nobody on his deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I had spent more time at the office.'” —U.S. Senator Paul Tsongas when resigning from his Senate seat after being diagnosed with cancer in 1984

I’ve learned (and relearned) this lesson the hard way. As much as I value my family, friends, and health, I have foolishly sacrificed them all in different ways in the past as I pursued various professional or academic endeavors. Luckily, my wake up calls have been fairly benign: seeing an increasingly chunky guy in the mirror and spending time with spreadsheets on holidays instead of friends and family. As opposed to getting the message too late: having a heart attack and dying alone. But I know that both are real possibilities for the workaholic in me if I let my work life supersede my personal life.

31) Put On Your Oxygen Mask First

“In the event of an emergency, please put on your oxygen mask before assisting others.”

While at the PaleoFX 2013 conference in Austin, I saw a wonderful talk titled “Put On Your Oxygen Mask First” by Sarah Fragoso, author of Everyday Paleo. The gist of the talk was that you cannot help others lead more happy and healthy lives if you yourself are not happy and healthy. Many folks, especially parents, feel guilty when they carve out time, energy, or money to eat right, get enough sleep, or take vacations, choosing instead to channel every second they have and every penny they earn to their children. Sacrifice is a noble thing, and we should all do our best to serve, but you can’t help anyone when your physical, psychological, and emotional health are falling apart. Being healthy is not selfish; it is the greatest gift you can give your family, friends, community, and world.

32) Question Everything

Never assume something is true just because you hear it:

• From your parents
• From your close friends
• From your boss
• From someone with “Dr.” in front of their name or “PhD” after it
• From an “expert” or “guru”
• From a blogger (including yours truly)
• From an anchor on the nightly news
• From yourself!

Nobody has all the answers, and even the answers we think we do have often end up being debunked or disproven when more information is presented later\. When in doubt, just follow the money trail and observe the ego in yourself and others. Most of what we’re told (and tell others) is motivated by attempts to solidify one’s egoic identity and amass greater wealth, not truth.

33) Don’t Save the Best for Last

Nuf said.